2010 Dreaming on Such a Winters Day + Chaos Surfing

It's crazy storming.

Angelino's are saying it hasn't been like this since el Nino. Has he come back as a teenager? Lighting and flooding and tornadoes oh my. I only wish I could indulge in the kind of introspection this weather is inviting me into. Alas.

The weather does match the tumult of the month(s) preceding and of the days news. Received some bad news about a dear family member today. I am trying to be hopeful. I am more and more convinced that life is chaotic and hard and stormy filled with sometimes glimpses of brightness and hope and possibility.

I was rambling to my chiropractor the other day about such things and she stopped me saying how much she liked the analogy of life that I shared. We agreed that yes, life is like the ocean. It is big and teeming with life and full of death and it is thrashing and calm, beautiful and foreboding.

Perhaps the people who enjoy it the most are those that accept it as it is and learn some way of working with it as it is--who learn to surf the waves or navigate the tides in a boat. We think life is happening to us, mean to us, good to us. But it just is what it is. And we can learn to surf the chaos or we can be constantly traumatized by the crashing waves, it's sorta our choice. That's the personal sovereignty we are granted by the Creator of it all, that's our "free will."

It has been a long January already and promises to be up until the last day. This is good in that I am certainly too busy to dwell on how hard it has been and other unresolved emotions but bad in that I am further prolonging doctors orders to relax, to rest.

I have a lot of decisions to make and plan to firm up my dreams and goals for 2010... hopefully realistic and reaching all at once. I'd given myself a pass on beginning these new or renewed ventures until we were settled in our new room, a long process, and i would actually be able to devote myself to my hopes. And that pass ends this weekend, it's time and i need to move forward.

Stay tuned for an accounting of 2010 aims... I am looking for accountability, dear e-world, even if it feels a little scary to share my fragile hopes. If you would be tough on me while helping me keep these hopes away from the too rough fingers of the world?

"Bring me all of your dreams, you dreamers,

Bring me all your heart melodies,

that I may wrap them in a blue cloud cloth,

Away from the too rough fingers of the world"

---The Dream Keeper by Langston Hughes